Merry Christmas y'all

What is the best thing about Christmas?

Some say it’s the special time you spend with your family, some say it’s celebrating the birth of the saviour of the world, and yet others say it is showing your loved ones you care.

I say bollocks to that.

I say tis the season to be self-indulgent.

Christmas is the time when my musician husband is out working almost every night. It is also the time that my toddler is asleep relatively early having exhausted herself by ripping apart the Christmas tree, stuffing her face with the entire advent calendar chocolates in one sitting and running up to everything in any shop that is shiny or red.

Consequently I am now sitting on the couch in my jimmy jams (pyjamas), surrounded by liqueur chocolates, eating a selection of party food from the freezer and watching a Christmas cooking program that I intend to try and emulate when that now stuffed and roasted turkey jumps off the plate and does a salsa on the frozen surfaces of hell.  

And I am NOT sharing my food with anyone else or having it stolen from my plate by a miniature person who is perfectly capable of feeding herself but prefers her handmaiden to serve her to the accompaniment of the ear-piercing whine of "mummy do it, mummy do it" which is actually a legal form of torture under the Geneva Convention (oh yes it its - I've looked it up).

The best thing about Christmas?  Pretending to be single and childless.