31 December 2012

Happy New Year?

I just poked my toddler in the eye.


I also hit her on the head with my bottle, kneed her in the boob and stuck my foot in her fanny.

Oh, that's not quite right is it.

Now I remember. This is what SHE did to ME.

I would like to point out that if I did in fact do the above things to my toddler that I would be arrested. Yet she can do them with impunity. I believe this is a blatant case of age discrimination. I could start a petition, I could stage a rally, I could make an application to some overpaid European Court on Human Rights grounds.

But I’m not going to do that. You know what I am going to do? I'm gonna call the police and have her arrested.
Yes I will.

They can take her down the slammer and lock her up and keep her there for at least five hours.
And don't bother trying to call her parents because we won’t be in. Becasue I’m planning to do it on New Year’s eve at 7pm.

Oh come on people, have you seen the cost of babysitters on New Year’s Eve?

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