What a Phoney

I bought my two year old a magazine yesterday - the one with stickers and counting and colouring she loves. And there was a free gift attached to the magazine - a plastic Ben and Holly mobile phone.

My little girl couldn’t wait to get it open. She cuddled the magazine all through the supermarket and in the car. As soon as we got home she ripped the phone off the magazine and hurled the magazine aside. She tore the plastic wrapping off the phone and held her new possession in her hand.

She breathlessly touched the screen excitedly.

Nothing.

Then she touched the buttons.

Nothing.

Then she touched everything all again.

Five times over.

She slid her finger over the screen once more, making sure none of her other fingers were touching the screen and thereby preventing the phone from reading her prodding.

She looked at me with mild annoyance. “Batty flat.”

“No honey” I explained. “There is no battery. It’s a pretend phone.”

She looked confused. “Plug in” she suggested.

I tried to break it to her gently. “It doesn’t plug in honey. It’s just pretend.”

I have never seen such a look of disgust in all my life.

She looked at the phone and then looked at me. I could read her thoughts:

“What a useless piece of crap. You can’t do anything with it. I can’t watch Peppa Pig on it. I can’t phone people. I can’t take photos of my own feet.

What’s the point of it? I’ve already got an HTC Wildfire which does more than this piece of rubbish, even without a plan. I thought I was getting an upgrade. Instead I got this useless piece of shite.

You suck Ben and Holly. You can take your dumbass phone and shove it up your magic kingdom.”

And so at two and a half my daughter has learnt one of life’s tough lessons: sometimes the anticipation of getting something is more exciting than the having.